Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Adventures of Joe: The Common Joe

  
Everybody, meet Joe.  Joe, this is everybody.

Joe is a seemingly common name on a common card from a common set.  Besides his awesome last name, Orsulak, Joe is nothing spectacular.  I mean the card, not the man.  His back is even graced with the decidedly dull card number 212.  Unless you call people that live or work in the borough of Manhattan, or you really like the boiling point of water, let’s face it, this number rarely ever makes an appearance in your life. Two hundred twelve is lifeless.

See, it's lifeless.

Now, you're probably asking yourself, "Why is this card relevant to my interests?"  It's probably not, but this card means something to me.  You see, back when I was an acne riddled, voice squeaking, gangly 14 year old, I counted my cards.  After a week full of school, practices, games, ballroom dancing (yeah, you read that correctly), I would take a box of cards into the family room, plop down on the ivory white sectional, turn on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and count my cards into the wee hours of the morning.

During one of those weekend rituals, I came to a watershed moment for a teenage collector who had started out with a handful of cards, sorted by team, wrapped with rubber bands and stored in an old Vans shoebox.  I was approaching the 25,000 card mark.  It was an almost celebratory moment when I hit 24,900 cards with a pile of 200 or so more cards in my collection to count.  I was going to crest the 25,000 card mark, and I wondered, who would be the 25,000th card?  Would it be Canseco?  Gwynn?  Ryan?  

I quickly began counting the cards and as I approached the milestone, I remember getting giddy.  Giddy is not something a 14 year old boy should get, which likely explains the severe drought of dates in high school.  Anyways, as I counted 24,999, I shuffled the card over and saw Joe.  Average Joe.  Common Joe.  I was surely less than thrilled, but I set him aside and placed Joe into a penny sleeve as his humble reward for being card 25,000 in my collection.

But, I eventually grew to love that card, and whenever I see a Joe Orsulak, I always think of that evening.  I’ve loved that card so much, that I feel I must set Joe free from my card closet and send Ordinary Joe on an epic adventure.  This adventure has two purposes: 1. To see what is the best card(s) I can receive for Standard Joe in what could be a seemingly never ending series of trades and 2. To see where Typical Joe goes through other people’s trades. 

To accomplish this, I am placing Usual Joe into a top loader and posting him as trade bait.  Whoever makes the best trade offer for Joe after one week of posting will win Joe.  Then I’ll take whatever I received for Joe and post that as trade bait, and so on, and so on.

The other part of this adventure will require feedback.  I plan on placing a note inside Joe’s top loader.  This will be similar to Where’s George, the money tracking website.  The note will instruct that person to email me and let me know Normal Joe’s location and what you sent/received for Joe.  As long as Joe is in circulation, I will post his whereabouts.

So, who wants a 1990 Joe Orsulak #212?  Best offer by 9:00 PM EST June 15th wins!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Restful Night

I am happy to report that my daughter came through the surgery like the little firecracker she is.  She was a little groggy and grumpy after coming out of the anesthesia, but she is doing well now.

Almost as important, I am proud to say that her mother made it through the surgery with flying colors.

I give my sincere thanks to all of those who posted their well wishes, and to all of those that kept my little girl in their thoughts and prayers.

Albeit a non-traditional community within this sphere, I am thankful to know there are good people in this world who take the time to support others.

No where did my junk wax Donruss want lists go...

Monday, June 6, 2011

Restless Night

Tonight is a restless night.  Tonight, I should be asleep because I have to be awake and ready to go to the hospital in about five hours.  Tonight I cannot sleep because I have to take my daughter to the hospital for surgery.

I alone am taking her tomorrow.  My son has had two surgeries and they were too much for my wife to handle.  On the second surgery, the nurses asked my wife to leave because of her emotional state.  Since I am the father, the husband, I am the emotional rock.  The one they turn to in difficult times to be the leader.  I find that ironic because during normal times, I am rightly branded as the scatter brained dramatist.

I do not know why I am sharing this, as I am extremely introverted unless a topic that I am extremely familiar with is at hand.  Or if I've had a beer or two, and then one cannot shut me up.  

I guess I decided to share these thoughts in this forum is because cards calm my mind.  One difficult night several months ago, I sat in bed sorting a 3,200 count box.  Was it because that box of Score desperately needed attention?  Not likely.  It was because it felt like the puzzle pieces were coming together.

As I sorted that box, I could feel the heat emanating from my wife.  With every shuffle, I felt her skin bristle.  She finally sighed, looked at me and said "Why must you sort those cards?  The sound makes my skin crawl."  I blankly looked at her and replied, "Because it gives me solace.  It calms me."

For some unknown reason, baseball cards calm my mind.  I cannot describe it, but I am sure someone reading this knows what I mean.  Cards live an odd juxtaposition in my life.  My wife detests them in seemingly every cell of her being, but they soothe me.  It is a fine line of my existence having a hobby that irritates the one I love.  I've been told before to always be who you are, and not emulate that which you are not.  That being said, it is hard to pursue that which those you love do not understand.

I digress...While I type this, I am taking a break from sorting my Donruss boxes.  Pulling singles and seeing how many cards I need to complete 88, 89 and 90 Donruss.  Do I truly need to complete those sets?  Not likely, but it quells my thoughts of my daughter, and allows me to function as the emotional rock I am supposed to be. 

Diamond Mining - Part VI - Expansion Era

Late in the evening hours on Friday, June 3rd, the Diamond Mine practially exploded.  Everything had pretty much ground to a standstill, and very little trading had happened for a week or so.  That is until 9:00 PM EST.  I went into that day with seven cards and about 40 completed trades.  I ended that day with 17 cards and almost 70 trades.

Things started out with an extremely benign trade for a 1999 Alomar that yielded a 1998 Molitor.  In itself, not too exciting.  Both HOFers, but nothing spectacular.  Then IT happened.  I refreshed my trade screen and someone was offering 11, I said ELEVEN, cards for that 98 Molitor.  The first card showing was a 93 Mo Yawn.  Meh, I thought.  I expanded the selection and then saw more 93 Who's-thats, then I spied a 96 Pedro Martinez.  Ok, that alone makes it a doable trade for me.  Next I searched for the REQUIRED 1997 card to continue the mining adventure.  The last card on the page was a '97 Bobby Bonilla.  Bingo.

Not that the Bonilla made me take the trade, but it satisfied my quest.  I accepted the trade, and then immediately thought, "Why would someone offer 11 cards for a '98 Molitor?"  Then the horrifying thought that someone mistakenly selected "All" on the trade screen, and I just emptied someones cache.  I immediately felt remorseful.  I read the FAQ and saw you can't void a trade, so, I decided to make the most of it.

From that mess of 11 cards, I have turned them into a decent showing.  That one 1998 Molitor (which was originally a 2006 Andy Marte - who?) has become:

1996 Dennis Eckersley (HOFer)
1992 Lance Parrish (AS)
1992 Joe Orsulak (one of my all time faves)
1991 Carlton Fisk (HOFer - and winner of Night Owl's Cardboard Appreciation contest as the greatest card EVAR)
1993 Carlos Martinez (Haven't moved this one, yet - However, I do have my eyes on a sweet Dave Bergman, 700 Club Member Extraordinaire - WAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPP)
1991 Roberto Alomer (HOFer)
1995 Tom Glavine (AS and future HOFer)
1999 Gary Sheffield (AS and future retired asshat)
2004 Richie Sexton (Haven't traded this one, yet)
2005 Ivan Rodriguez (AS and future HOFer if he isn't busted for Roids)
2008 Miguel "Am I 36 or 39?" Tejada

I must say that's NOT TOO BAD for a 2006 Andy Marte.  That's also a pretty good start to a pennant winning team.

As far as the other cards, I'm on the precipice of the 60s.  My 1971 Ollie Brown became a 1970 Manny Mota.  Nice.  And I also landed a 1972 Padres Team Card, which was originally a 1977 Rod Gilbreath.  Sweet.

Here is the new graphic.  It's gotten so big, I've had to splice it from two screen grabs.  Yikes.

One day, I'll lay out each "shaft" individually and let you vote on the greatest improvement, which I'm sure the 2006 Andy Marte will win.

Until next time, keep a look out for Uncle_Doc on your trade screen and keep me in mind...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The 700 Club

I apologize in advance for this "skit."  When I am sick, I think of the weirdest things.

As President and inaugural member of the 700 club, I call this meeting to order.  Before getting to business, let's take roll.  Powell?

 
Here!

Murcer?

 
He's missing "In Action." Rimshot.

 
Bench?

 The Little General is present and accounted for, Sir!

 Heh, little general.  Jackson?

 
 What it is!

Carew?

 
What the %#@& do you want mother %@#*%#?  No, you can’t have my autograph.

 
Ok then, Brett?

 Did I ever tell you the story about Whitey Herzog and Pedro Ramos?

Foster?

Don't tell me that story again, Brett.  It makes me want to shower with my shorts on.

Just for Men-andez?

 Ugh, here.

Schmidt?

Here.

Murray?


Easy Clubber.  Jackson?

I said, "What it is!"


Be...


 Berg...


 Bergman?

 

All those in favor of replacing Bergman?

AYE!

WASSUP?
 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO7!

Ripken?

 
 It's about damn time!

Brett?

So, Whitey invited Ramos over to his hotel room...

No one wants to hear about Whiteyball!  Mattingly?

I should have used this on Bergman when I had the chance.

 Puckett?

 Where the women at? (RIPuckett)

Ozzie?

Here. Hey!

 
Sierra?

 
 Golly, I'm just happy to be here.

 
 Ryan?

 

Everyone except me.  Bonds?  Bonds?  Bonds?  Has anyone seen Bonds?  Wait, what are you doing in that corner, Barry?
 
 Just taking my B-12 shot!

I am so sorry.
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